We all feel eventually what is inevitable. The loss of faith, a feeling that your existence is meaningless, and corrupt. Everyone tries to find a way to cope with it, or looks for answers to all the questions no one knows. Then comes a day when you have to face the truth, accept your fate. You will never know the truth, what really lies outside in the dark, and by the time some understanding comes your way, it is too late. You are already dead. But what you find in the moment of truth is that you were dead all along, life was an illusion, the coda before the end of the show. All you did, all you discovered in a simple life was meaningless, can benefit no one. The cures they sought for you, the things to keep you well, were just temporarily keeping you from a fate that was ever present. You wasted your one and only life, gave it up to blend and fit well in society, wasted years in a job you hated to just get by and be able to work more, striving to live life, when it is obvious that your life is what you do, and you die daily hating it all. Like Susan Ertz said, "Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy sunday afternoon..." If we had immortality we would waste it trying to strive for happiness, since even the immortals need money to get by these days. Extra life is wasted on the American dream that can only be fulfilled by a few, and the few who get it are still unhappy. Money can't buy happiness, but luck and love can't buy it either. It is human to be sad, to be depressed, angry, malicious. It is human to be unhappy. And it is also human to never understand that through it all, we would all be much better off if God had just decided on the third day that maybe humans weren't such a good idea, maybe a creature that felt pain so acutely would not be a good thing to bring into life. You never hear about animals commiting suicide. So why should a human? Since the world corrupts, and in the end, we all want something better, and in the end, we all die still unable to achieve it. The happiest man on earth would walk into heaven only to say, "This is what I was looking forward to?" By our nature none will ever be happy unless all emotion was gone from us. But then, if all emotion was gone, how could you be happy? It is an enigma. All life can be seen in a spiderweb, and we are but only flies waiting to be eaten, yet still struggling against our bonds, unable to accept the inevitable. Death will come to you, and immortality would be a curse. So be happy with what you have, and be careful about what you wish for. Wishes can come true, but many of them never do.

Heather had a reason to cut. She used to live in Indiana, but moved to Kentucky with her mother and sisters to escape her father when she was in the 5th grade. He followed. She was watched by her uncle who molested her numerous times. He brought over drugs and she got hooked to the mindlessness of pot. She drank. Then her uncle was caught by her mom and got arrested. She still found ways to smoke and drink. She started to cut to release some of the pain after she was cut off from it all. The gashes grew longer on her arms and traveled her body. She liked to watch the scars heal, but was disgusted by them, and hid them out of shame. Then she met a vampire named Artemis. She didn't know Artemis was a vampire until she was shook by a catastrophe. After Artemis lived through it, and was less cruel, she related her story to Heather. Heather already wanted to be like Artemis because Artemis was herself and appeared happy with it. The Vampire thing gave Heather what she thought could make her like Artemis. She asked Artemis to make her a vampire. Artemis tried to channel her, but Heather wasn't able to be a vampire. Heather couldn't accept that, and tried to trick Artemis into it. One day when Artemis was weak from not feeding, Heather managed to get her to bite her. It backfired. Heather almost died, and only made Artemis feel it was best to distance herself from Heather. Heather began to cut again after the failure, and Artemis found out because of the blood smell that lingered around Heather. Artemis became furious and made Heather stop it. Then, when summer came, Artemis abandoned Heather once and for all. Heather is back in her old place, defeated, and lost in memories of when Artemis was still around. Every once in awhile Heather calls Artemis, but Artemis' conversations are short, and she passes the phone onto her sister to talk to Heather. Heather misses Artemis, but the damage had been done. Now Heather is addicted to the search for another vampire to fill in the hole left by Artemis. But none last long. Heather doesn't realize that when you think you can't be yourself you are confused. The mask you put on will sink into your skin, and one day, when you try to pull it away, it has become your new face.

Now, I am sorry I left this out, but it was for the protection of my little were cub, who also happens to be my little sister.
When two vampires have children, only one child will be able to turn into a vampire. The gene selects the most compatible host. It is not necessarily the first child either. For instance, I am the third oldest in my family, and the one who got the gene.
The same goes for werewolves. Only one child gets it. Like my little sister.
In mixed families, two children get the genes, but they separate into the most compatible hosts. Me and my younger sister are perfect examples of mixed relations.
Here's the deal.
My great uncle on my mother's side was a Nazi werewolf. He turned fully, but the gene became diluted since the family didn't breed with other weres. My mom is a carrier. That is why her eyes are hazel, instead of brown like her brothers and mother and father. The passed the highly diluted gene onto my little sister. I was keeping it a secret, since I hoped it would be so diluted as to not matter, so that she would be safe. But when she came of age, I noticed the signs. I told her what was up the last sunday in March. Since then I have been teaching her all I know about werewolves, but being a vampire, my knowledge is limited. So I better introduced her to the other were at my school who came of age last year.
My vampireness is from my father and his father, and it waas nearly potent enough to turn me full naturally. But not quite.
So that's what has been bothering me, and that's why I wouldn't answer someone's question. I wanted to protect my sister. But now it is time to be known. But be warned... If anyone tries to mess with her, I will hunt them down and kill them. It is my sister, and I shall not have her become someone's pet.

I made a new Fledgling on Sunday!!! He turned fully today, since, as you all know by reading this, it takes about three days. I can't wait to hear how he's doing, to know how he feels. He is my second fledgling. I'm wicked happy right now, you have no clue. I think this will be the strongest fledgling of mine yet. His instincts all kicked in pretty much instantly. It was amazing. All of a sudden he was just a full on dark god. I can't wait to see how he's doing now.

The were I have been teaching is now preparing for the full moon. I am having mixed feelings about this. I was hoping for her sake that she was not enough even to have the little she possesses, but she has been changing. How do you deal with these things? I want to protect her, but I can't. There is nothing more I can do but watch, and introduce her to the weres I know. It is all because of my mum's side of the family, that one idiotic great uncle that all this has come to be. Like I needed one more reason to hate that side of my family, but now it is corrupting my one and only okay... I will continue to do what I can. For now, all I have is hope. I am going to try and calm down. Then I will reveal my biggest secret, since it is time.